We are almost at Christmas already. For the past month we have been reminded, by the blaring P.A. systems in seemingly every shopping establishment, that Santa Claus is coming to town! Now, we love our big red jolly man, but we have been thinking, why isn’t he riding a bike? We get that at the North Pole he doesn’t have to hear PETA striving for less stress on those poor reindeer. Or maybe the North Pole doesn’t have good cycling infrastructure; who is the mayor anyways? Either way, we think Jolly St. Nick should hop on a bike this year, and here’s why.
AERO: It’s all about aero. Just look at that sled, and Santa’s up-right position. It’s a big task making it all over the world to every house in one night, maybe he should get streamlined to get the job done faster. A big sleigh doesn’t even look quick. Hop on a red aero bike, now that screams fast! Plus, as we have learned from the ‘WinTunel’, the beard only creates marginal almost negligible drag. The beard can stay!
JUMPS: Without magical reindeer, how would Santa get on your roof? Sick jumps of course! Think about this, you hear Santa on your roof. Wouldn’t it be cool to know that Santa just stomped a launch off a 10 foot kicker from your neighbor’s roof? Speaking of roof’s, Santa on a bike is way less stress on your roof than 9 reindeer and a bid sled. Additionally, with all that jump practice, maybe, just maybe you could catch a glimpse of Santa doing a backflip out your window. Watch out Brandon Semenuk!
CALORIES: With all the cookies and milk Santa gets Christmas night, how does he keep his figure? He probably doesn’t eat all year! Now a free meal plan sounds nice, but 364 days of stomach rumbling, we’d all pass. Riding a bike means Santa won’t be overdosing on calories and can get back to enjoying Mrs. Claus’s fantastic home cooked meals. Cookies without the guilt, though maybe we should leave an energy bar and some electrolyte mix instead. Stave off the Bonk!
BELLS: What about the classic sleigh bells, you might ask. Who needs bells?!? All the cool kids put cards in their spokes. Santa could be getting hip with spoke cards… well, maybe that doesn’t jive with the classic sounds of Christmas. With a bike bell, Santa can choose to to give a pleasant little ‘ding’ whenever he pleases. If a constant jingle is what he is going for, a bike bear bell will do. Which, come to think of it, might be a good idea anyways. Polar bears are all over the arctic ice, and are known to be the most vicious bear. We’re just trying to keep Santa safe.
HAPPINESS: As you know, some naughty people don’t understand us cyclist. It is so unfortunate that these people won’t cross the line and learn what science says about cycling, happiness, and other mental benefits. Maybe it’s because of us grimacing up hills and into headwinds. Yeah, cyclist keeled over their handlebars and panting harder than a dog while a river of sweat flows from their helmets doesn’t look good from the outside. What better way to help change minds than the jolliest person around on a bike. Could anything bring more happiness than gift giving from a bicycle!?!
It might be a little late for Santa to change his delivery method this year, but maybe next year he will change out the sleigh bells for some bike bells. Whether Santa will hop on a saddle or not, we think there should be more people on bikes. What better gift than to share the joy of being outside and experiencing the world around with someone. It could be an epic multi-day ride through some mountains, or a leisurely spin around the block. Cycling brings a lifetime of exploring and freedom. So share your love with those you love, and enjoy the holidays.